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The Joy of Fostering Oh, the joys of fostering. Ha! Sometimes I think, "Oh, the sorrows of fostering" is more appropriate. My husband, Randy, and I were unable to conceive a child, so when we decided to adopt, we considered becoming foster parents. That way we could adopt a sweet little foster child.
We were told we would never be able to adopt our first foster child. Knowing we would never be able to survive saying good-bye to a child we fell in love with, we gave up the idea. We adopted privately and went on with our lives, never thinking God would call us to be a foster family.
In 1997, I started to feel the call of God on my life to foster. I explained to God that I would be willing, but He would have to tell Randy, because he would laugh me right out of the house. Well, a year went by and nothing happened. I thought, maybe God has changed His mind, or possibly I did not hear Him correctly. Little did I know that at the time God was speaking to my husband about that very thing! We became certified foster parents in June of 1999, and on July 25, 1999 we picked up our first foster child.
How sweet he was! On the way home he started calling us daddy and mommy. You see, to a foster child, daddy and mommy are just names. How sad that there are children in this world that do not know the difference. For the next two years we fostered six children. We had visits from social workers, visits with parents, dental visits, doctor visits, and optometrist visits. We had immunizations and glasses to get, and cavities filled. But the most important part was that we had broken hearts to love and pray that God would mend them.
I heard someone say once that when people tell you they could never foster because they could not stand falling in love and loosing the child, they would make the best kind of foster parent because that is just the kind of love foster children need. Our families were so wonderful. They took each one of our kids into their hearts and loved them as one of our own; so much so that I felt horrible when one left, because our immediate family wasnt the only one hurting. The one thing that always brought me back to saying yes to another child was the Scripture found in Matthew 25:40, "What you have done unto the least of these, you have done unto me." How could I possibly say no to a child that has that kind of life? At least we could give them a home where there is love, commitment, and fun. They deserve a real family. They need to hear about Gods love.
Our sixth foster child is the one that God has placed in our home to become a permanent part of our family. Nathan is a sweet, funny little three year old boy who has stolen his mommys heart. We look forward to finalizing the adoption in the next few months.
Oh, the joys of fostering? That is right! When the Lord has called you to do something, He always gives you the strength and turns it into pure joy!
Julie Dempster
Interior Decorators Assistant
Sunland, California
Blended Families "A New Chapter" God hates divorce. So do I! It not only affects the couple involved, but everyone around them as well. I never dreamed I would go through a divorce myself. I met my husband in Bible college and we planned to be in ministry.
However, nine years and two beautiful children later I unwillingly became a single parent. Our ministry was shattered. I could not even support the three of us.
Thankfully, we had wonderful friends who took us in until I could save enough money for an apartment. The church became an extended family to us, helping me find a job, assisting with car maintenance, and remembering us at holidays. Our biological families helped also, though they didn't live as close. Uncles took my son fishing and taught my daughter to bat left-handed.
Needless to say, I would NEVER have chosen to put my children through that pain. My four-year-old daughter wondered if the divorce was her fault. She kept a picture of her daddy near her bed. Tears ran down her sweet face as she hugged it close. My son, a first grader entering into his fourth school, had a hard time concentrating.
Their daddy used to say that vision was cast on mountaintops, but growth came in the valleys. He was right about that. We learned a lot through this difficult time. I realized that God loved me just as I was, even though I wasn't "ministering" for Him. I also learned of his incredible faithfulness. Not once did we lack money to buy food or to pay a bill.
After a few years I became acquainted with a wonderful man who had tragically lost his wife to breast cancer when their children were ages two and three. As we became more serious, I read everything I could about blending families. I did not want to lose the special closeness I had with my children, nor did I want to put any of us through anymore turmoil. We learned valuable lessons from books, counseling, and experience:
1. Deal with the past. Don't jump into a serious commitment when you are not thinking clearly. Allow at least one or two years to heal from divorce or death. Counseling was beneficial to us?as well as advice from family and friends. Don't carry a trunk full of garbage into your new life. After awhile it smells. Forgive anyone who has wronged you. Don't expect your new spouse to "make you happy."
2. Be realistic. In a first marriage, a couple has a "honeymoon" time period in which they get acquainted before children enter the scene. The second time, many others?children, additional relatives, and more sets of friends are involved. It's not easy to feel
"in love" with all the activity?especially when you disagree over disputes with the children. I never dreamed how defensive I could be!
3. Give each other space. We were able to buy a house together, which helped immensely. If that's not possible, at least redecorate. Now is the time to make the house "ours." It's recommended to provide children space of their own?if not a room, at least a dresser.
4. Discuss rules. We held a family meeting. Children behave better when they know what is expected of them. Denny and I also discussed financial matters ahead of time. An advantage
in a second marriage is that you already have an idea of how responsible your partner is. But people have different opinions on how money should be spent. With the addition of child support matters this is important, as well as whose money will pay for whose education, wills, etc.
5. Provide stability. We tried to keep changes to a minimum. The kids stayed in the same school district and we remained with our church family. We are blessed to have great relationships with all the extended families. Even though it makes for an unbelievable schedule for family events, kids need to be able to keep those roots. And I would hate to give up any of these relationships!
6. LISTEN to your kids. Let them talk things out. Don't expect stepchildren to automatically love you or you to automatically love them. Love is a verb. As you love them in word and deed, feelings will follow.
We've had our ups and downs. The first year was overwhelming. Now I wouldn't trade our family for anyone else's. Jesus was part of a blended family also. With His guidance, we can be successful!
Andrea Johnson is the managing editor of the Message of the Open Bible. She and her husband, Denny, and their four children will soon celebrate seven years of marriage!
A Child's Place "Elementary Entrepreneurs"
Earlier this year, my 11 year old son's GATE class was studying "Survival Skills" which focused on learning about finances and all that is involved in earning and saving money. Their end of the year project was to pair up with another classmate and form a mock company and report back to the class the company name, objectives, trade and market.
Brett partnered with his friend and neighbor, Erik, and formed "CGT Services" which stands for Cars, Gardening & Tutoring Services. They went to the computer and designed a marketing brochure which included services offered and the cost of each. Car washing $5.00; gardening $3.00/half hour; and tutoring $5.00/hour.
They were not required to put their business into action, but these two boys took it a step further than required and passed the brochures out to our neighbors in the cul de sac. They anxiously sat by the phone waiting for the calls to come in...and they did! Within 4 days, they had made over $65.00!! Their business "project" started about a month ago and the neighbors continue to call for their services they must be doing a great job to be getting so many repeat customers. To date, they have earned over $125.00. Not bad for a couple of elementary school kids!
This "project" has made a huge impact on my son. The son who used to want to spend every penny he ever received...now saves it. He has made the personal decision to give 10% to the Lord first, save another 25% in his bank account, and then have the remaining amount in his bank at home to use for spending money (the ice cream man likes to visit our street in the summer and that money comes in real handy on hot days!).
Encourage your children to learn the importance of working to earn their own money and also learning the value of the money they earn. Give them the opportunity to be creative this summer. They are never too young start now and you too may have an "Elementary Entrepreneur."
By Carol Pluimer
Parental Ponderings "Consider Important What's Important to Them"
by Kathy Collard Miller
In our busy lives, it's easy to belittle and make light of the things that concern our children. To us, their worries are light in comparison to our hefty anxieties. But her concerns are big to her! A glib reply will communicate we're not interested in what's important to them. Proverbs 18:2 warns us, "A fool does not find joy in understanding but only in expressing his own opinion" (God's Word).
When my daughter, Darcy, was in elementary school, I walked by her room and heard her crying. "Oh, no," I moaned. "Something's wrong." I opened her door and peeked in. She was sitting on her bed, tears spilling down her cheeks. "What happened?" I asked, imagining some horrible thing. She looked up at me with a quivering lip and cried out, "I don't have anyone to play with." Anyone to play with? A laugh of disbelief began rising within me. But then I caught myself. I had begun understanding that Darcy prefers to be having fun with other people constantly. That's important to her, even if it's not important to me. With that reminder, I was able to sympathize with her. My response of sympathy added to our friendship through respect.
Kathy Collard Miller is a popular women's conference speaker and the author of over 45 books including Why Do I Put So Much Pressure On Myself? (Servant) www.LarryAndKathy.com |
